Monday, May 5, 2008

Perfect to Mommy

I've been high fiving myself thinking I avoided getting any stretch marks when a few days ago I realized a red mark I have on my side wasn't just an indentation left from my jeans but a stretch mark! Okay, I guess if it took me this long to figure it out it probably won't be attracting anyone else's attention so I shouldn't be complaining but no more high fives!
I was hoping not to fall victim to the aches and pains, but I'm no exception and I now see how brutal having a baby is on your body - damn that Eve! My mom used to tell me it felt like all the bones in her body were shattering and granted my choice of words aren't as colorful, but even with modern medicine there's no stopping the fear that grips you when you have to go to the bathroom with hemmorhoids or feeling like you need a hip replacement when trying to get up off the ground. Lately I've experienced my knees creaking when I come down the stairs in the morning. I actually feel like I should now stretch before coming down! To tell the truth for vanity purposes I really didn't want to breastfeed - and yes, I was conscious about getting stretch marks. So to witness the various transformations in me, both phsyical and emotional/mental has been a pretty unpredictable yet amazing journey! I never thought I could geniunely not care about myself so much! haha! But despite my body falling apart seeing how perfect Sydnie is make my conditions so trivial. Every time she successfully reaches a milestone on schedule, I'm thankful. Who knows what paranoia I'd be going through if she wasn't jumping at steve's atomic sneezes or making eye contact when I'm playing with her. I remember in the beginning Sydnie's nipples were so faint to the point I thought she was born without any! Well that isn't the case but I'm sure if Sydnie had a weak heart or something, the last thing I would care about were her faint nipples! So to me, she is perfect. =) And transferring my desires over to her, my hope she can avoid mom's flaws and ugly qualities and become a wonderful person... hopefully more humble and thoughtful with her decisions, respected by her peers, a joy to her parents (haha), and of course a Godly woman.
But speaking of my physical changes, I have to comment on one I am currently struggling with. So after a clogged duct for about two days this weekend, it seems my left boob has died! I have now seen a preview of what post-breastfeeding might look like and it's not National Geographic caliber but definitely will need major underwire support. Anyway, here's my problem, everyone tells me there is no way that one side could dry up simply from two days of lack of activity but I can tell from her frustration nothing is coming out. Now lets just say it really is dead, the dilemma is do I still continue feeding her off of the right side that is producing? That means I might end up with one shriveled and one plump! Ahhhh! Well, I'm going to keep at it and hopefully it will come back to life and if it doesn't... then I'm sure you'll be able to tell... ugh!

I beleive we reach three months this week so here are some current Sydnie facts:
* has been shedding for the past few weeks (its sad but so cute too!)
* currently pushing herself up and likes to do superman on her stomach
* still sleeping incredibly well
* found a dimple in her right cheek under her flubber
* loves to stare at her left hand as if its a foreign object
* smiles at herself in the mirror
* enjoys watching basketball (it must be the back and forth)

Sunday will be our first mother's day! Still feel detached from this day but guess I'm now a mom too! =) Oh and Happy 어린이 날 (children's day)!


rhee said...

the pics of sydnie's different faces are so cute! i know the music of that mobile by heart!

rhee said...

are those face pics with ur new cannon??? the quality is great!

Three Parks said...

we'll see how long we keep this camera but so far pretty good!!! i am SOOOO glad you told me about taht mobile.