To Party or Not To Party...

So what started as a super enthusiastic beginning to Sydnie's first birthday planning quickly fizzled and I now find myself in the middle of December. I have to admit the pressures of the depressing economy have led me to re-think the need and value of having such an elaborate birthday party. After all, the satisfacation of this party would technically be all mine, right? Well, after much deliberation and with Steve basically leaving it up to me, I've decided to go through with it! (at least I say that today) Truly, I struggle with this decision. I mean, its a good chunk of money we could apply towards something potentially more necessary. But at this point with the decision made to move forward I guess I'll proceed as planned and try to be wise and careful with each dollar. So first thing I need to work on is eliminating about 80 people off the guest list. Sadly that will probably mean cutting off a lot of my own personal friends but then again, not sure how much fun they'll have at a one year old's birthday party. For the few that know, I am an anti-eviter, but if this gets me an extra layer of cake, I guess sayonara to the customized invitations. Now do I really need entertainment for the kids or can I just start a never ending game of freeze tag?! Well here are some highlight photos from our Oahu trip earlier this month. Sydnie did great although I think we'll be heading to Maui next time. I guess the Waikiki beach hotels are older and rely on the beach for recreation so the pools were small and dinky. They wouldn't even allow us to use a floatie as it would take up too much space. We did learn on this trip that Sydnie seems to have Steve's skin tone as after a day in the sun she was already a shade darker than me!

Sydnie has no choice being appa's little throw toy!

Long Overdue

Wow - I didn't mean to take this long of a break but it seems the last time I posted an entry was over a month ago! My main excuse being Steve sold his camera (yes, again) and we are still waiting for the next one to arrive. Rumour has it this one should be arriving sometime next week but without Steve's quality pictures I've been neglecting my posts as well. Well I do have some belated Halloween pics I'll at least share for now.
So as planned I was home for the month of October, which really flew by. I honestly never gave stay at home moms enough credit but from personal experience I can say that dealing with work pressures is by far so much easier than being home with a baby. I had people coming up asking if I enjoyed my break, which sounded like a joke because the last thing I'd call my October is a "break". From the moment she woke up till Steve got home, I answered only to her. I was lucky to get an email break! haha. I mentioned this to Steve the other day but how is it that babies have endless energy and how come we are so tired compared to them? I mean if you think about it they don't get that much more sleep and lets say I did take advantage of napping when she did, I bet I'd still be just as tired. I just think it is so funny how literally as soon as she opens her eyes she's alert and bouncing as if she's washed her face and feels refreshed and nothing like us wanting to hit the snooze button 10 times! Maybe something to learn from this - to approach life with more of a child-like attitude: excited for life and keep things simple?! Well, despite admitting it wasn't me just getting my nails done all the time, when my mom was able to come back, going back to work this time was actually harder. I'd say when she was younger the bonding was less as she was whatevers if I left the room. But now she shows her independece in personality while showing dependence in needing me, recognizing my importance to her, etc... so while it may mean I'm Sydnie's puppet for life, I do love being with her and making both of us happy!
As for Sydnie, she's nearing 10 months and full of tricks and entertainment! I have to say I am insanely in love with her and think she is so beyond cute! I never thought I would get this lovestruck! haha! Although I have to say I've been looking at her old pictures recently when she was about 4 - 5 months old... and she was quite ugly then! haha... okay it was the scary patchy hair!
Well, lots to update from my hiatus... I'll do my best to update more frequently in the next upcoming weeks! Happy Thanksgiving!

Cocktail Time

What was scheduled to come to an end at month six was delayed until just this week... and now Sydnie is officially a formula baby - sayonara to boobmilk. Originally I continued to persist due to my initial shock when I found out how expensive formula was going to be (yes its true that decision had nothing to do with her health!) but as the days passed my milk supply became lower and lower. Technically I guess that is the best way to wean your child. I know the high producing moms will have to still go through a week of engorged pain but for me I think I literally extracted the absolute last drop out of me. So when I could finally could get nothing more out and the reality sinked in that this was really it, I was quite sad. More so because it wasn't where I had pre-determined the "last" day but my body determined that for me without consulting! It really felt like I had experienced a sudden loss in my life!
Well I am quite amazed though that for someone who wanted to breastfeed for only three months and after all the nasty early days I struggled through we made it this far. Pat on the back for me =) haha
As we also offically mark Sydnie's eighth month I'm also on my own time table to get back into my old clothes again! I'm not sure how my metabolism will change without breastfeeding but I can tell you it sure didn't do me wonders like it does some moms! When Sydnie first came I had noted if it took me nine months to get this way, I should give myself nine months to get back - well then that gives me ONE MORE MONTH!!! I guess technically its 9 1/2 months so I have a little more time. But anyway, I am on a major mission now. Two pounds a week! That isn't too ambitious right?!?! I do feel it is important for me to start making this effort. I don't feel good heavier and every picture I see of myself my face looks like a full moon or pancake! And my knees still hurt going up and down stairs! And I now have cellulite on my calves!!!

Modeling Pics

Separation Anxiety

Steve and I celebrated our wedding anniversary by taking a trip to Vegas... without Sydnie. Having originally made reservations when she was really young we thought by the time our anniversary came around Sydnie would have acclimated to being with my mom or sister and we would appreciate some quality time of our own. Well, I have to say as anxious as my mom was for us to return to be relieved of a hysterical Sydnie, we both could not wait for that plane to land so we could rush home and be back to being us three again.
I definitely do think it is necessary for parents to have their own time together but I don't think we'll be planning another multiple day excursion away from Sydnie anytime soon.
Isn't it funny how Sydnie has been with us for such a short time and with each passing day I become just as dependent on her as she is on us! Just as I can't imagine life without Steve, now a day without Sydnie also feels incomplete. Maybe if separation was out of necessity it would be different but we felt selfish to be going somewhere to have fun without her while she was alone and confused at home! Sorry Sydnie! I probably missed you more than you missed us but promise we'll limit our mom & dad times to bowling and movie nights instead!
On a side note, all you Vegas lovers, I honestly just can't relate. I hadn't been in six years so I was really excited about the trip but the majority of the time my eyes and nose were burning, which kept me away from the paigow table! I guess no more $4.99 prime rib buffets for me!

Sydnie started sitting up on her own recently. This video looks scripted with her final pose!

Perspective

So with about four and half months to go I am starting to actively strategize for Sydnie's dohl (1st birthday) and I have to say... I am so excited! hee hee. Well I know a lot of new parents talk about how much work goes into their dohls and how exhausted they are afterwards and how they are getting to be just as expensive and elaborate as a wedding, etc, etc... Considering how cheap our wedding was, I have no doubt that Sydnie's dohl will be more expensive than our wedding! =)
But seriously, for me, I don't think I'll mind the work and efforts and I find this celebartion just as worthy if not more than a wedding! If its hard to justify the expenses based on the child not remembering anything... well who can honestly say they remember everything about their wedding day?! All I remember about our day is Steve's sweaty face and people thinking he was getting emotional at the alter when I was actually just wiping away sweat! haha
I'm not saying it is necessary to rent out Honda Center and host your own private Wiggles performance and fly everyone to Sea World for the after party... but I am treating this occasion to be important for us and am excited to prepare for it. I hope I won't feel like I need to justify any of our plans or be caught up in any comparisons. And no matter how simple or eleborate, I also don't want the planning to make me miserable and burdened but instead enjoyable and feel like in the end it was a great celebration for everyone!
Well, I'm sure I'll have more posts on this topic leading up to February. First thing on my task list though is to get our list down... Steve and I consider ourselves pretty friendless so its somewhat puzzling that our guest list is at 179 and growing!!!

Full-Time Mom

I know there are many unknowns and unpredictabilities with having a child but I really didn't see this one coming... so it looks like starting October I'll be back on maternity leave. No, I did not have another baby! This is actually breaking news, so haven't even had the chance to share with work, but it seems my mom is not going to be able to continue watching Sydnie. My mom who had some pre-existing conditions is finding that watching Sydnie is aggravating her ailments. I think she was hoping she could just grit her teeth and fight through it, but with her long commute and various other discomforts I guess her pain has progressively gotten worse. So it seems the best thing now is for her to improve her health. As for me, my initial plans were to finish out the year before using up my remaining maternity leave in January, but it looks like I'll take advantage of that in October and try to figure out what we'll do with daycare in the meantime. I truly envy those families that have access to their moms to help out with their kids. I guess I just anticipated everything would go according to how I planned it, but looks like I needed another lesson in not trying to determine my own steps and course. Darn, I knew I shouldn't have been impulsive and buy that dress the other day! Haha! Yes, I know God is not circumstantial but just feel like I've gotten so comfortable with my current situation He needed to shake things up a bit. Anyway, I hope during my month off my mom can recuperate and get treatment and hopefully return in November.
For all you working moms out there I hope you do not need to struggle with the concerns of daycare. It is such a hard position to be in and what a wonderful blessing if you don't have to worry about it. For those that have experienced some of these difficult decisions it really is such an internal struggle but I guess regardless if you are a home all day or away at work, you will always be your child's number one! Well, looks like I'll be back on facebook again! haha
It has been a busy few weeks, which led me to actually ditch a week of blogging!... so I have pictures galore! Just to document Sydnie reaching her 7th month, she is enjoying the first stages of crawling; she also is pretty successful with picking up little treats with her pincher fingers and getting the treat 3 out of 10 times in her mouth. She can just about hold her own bottle and has no problem with her juice cup. Way to go Sydnie! Oh and we FINALLY got her announcements out!... will have to share about that next time...
Congratulations on a few birthdays this week! One of my old clients Shannon & Ryan had a beautiful boy - still known as BABY and coworker Kim had a 10 pound boy, William!


First brawl between Matthew & Sydnie


Executing her backward bungee jump technique but realizing there isn't a drop!


Documenting her first crawling attempts


Sad excuse for a baby pool

Battle Royale

With my summer work schedule still keeping me busy Steve has been taking care of most feedings and putting Sydnie down for the night. Being home with Sydnie these past two days I found myself giving into her demands a lot more easily and I realized that some of it may stem from my guilt of not being around as much. So yesterday, every time she was whiny I would pick her up versus when I would usually just let her be. I know it wasn't just guilt... I also missed holding her, but I also started to see a brattiness developing in Sydnie she didn't have before with me. As the day continued and each time I complied with her 'pick me ups' I started thinking - Sydnie's sinful nature is emerging and she is learning the trick of manipulation! I bet she's already thinking I am putty in her hands! So today I tried to establish who was boss which led to a few early morning battles. I know it sounds ridiculous but when Sydnie started randomly crying (I think cuz I disappeared to brush my teeth) I came back and stood over her telling her to 뚝 (shush) as if I was expecting her to understand. Well my dominance must have telepathically communicated and she actually calmed down. Then minutes later while enjoying her cereal she started playing with the buckle in her chair which I took away and she started freaking out. I was thinking about leaving her to cry and even filming her but that would be bad evidence against me so I wiped her up and let her cry it out on the carpet. She has Steve's super enhanced sweat glands so within seconds her whole body was hot and this time when I saw the runny nose and monster tears I did end up picking her up... but amazingly, she was model child the rest of the day.

I know disciplining children is a lot easier said than done but I hope we can raise Sydnie to be respectful and thoughtful to certain things that are wrong and not doing what is just convenient for that moment. Hopefully our own shortcomings will not be revealed in anger or frustration but we will really strive to be Godly parents too... Otherwise, we may just be featured on Super Nanny 2012!

~ looking like a little man! ~

Girls in White Dresses

Considering I get to participte in someone's wedding on a weekly basis I also get to see some of the cutest flower girls and ring boys. One of my favorites was an evening cermeony where we had candles lining the entire length of the aisle. As the little flower girl began her walk it suddenly occurs to her that there are candles all around her and candles to her are meant to be blown out! So she pauses at each one to blow them out before proceeding down to the next. Granted the bride's dramatic entry is a bit spoiled but it was absolutely the most adorable thing! Well, I personally never had the opportunity to be a flower girl. I was never considered a cute kid but the more mature acting older one. So when my sister was asked to be the flower girl for a church deacon's wedding I was so envious watching her getting her hair curled, getting to wear a pretty white dress and even wearing lipstick! Lucky! Me on the other hand tried to impress in the nicest dress I had but no way could compete with my sister who also got a special flower girl's basket with petals to toss. So yeah, I guess even after all these years I still have a complex about it! =) Well one thing as a mom you can't really do for your child is give them a chance to be a flower girl or ring boy. I mean, you can't force your child upon someone getting married and also age, time, and other circumstances will dictate if they qualify or not. I guess looks being one of them! haha. So Sydnie's best chance at the moment is her eemoh. If we can just time it right, we can get my sister to marry in about a year and half so Sydnie will be old enough to walk down the aisle on her own but yet have the toddler bobble that will give her more of the "awww" factor. I guess I've thought about this a little too much! Poor Sydnie, all this cuz mom never got to experience her own shining moment! Well should for whatever reasons my sister does not come through, then I have a daughter for rent as a flower girl! haha... Okay, that does not sound right. Gosh, hopefully this obsession doesn't consume me where I eventually start to enter her in little girl pageants! Well, considering she has dad's butt and mom's thighs she probably wouldn't make it out of the swimsuit round. haha Anyway, I know all you moms out there also secretly hoping some newly engaged couple will approach you to showcase your child at their wedding! Too bad in my sister's case, she has no choice! =)

Going for the Gold

For a brief moment I had an opportunity to leave for Beijing this week and join a food & beverage team at the Olympics. Although the opportunity didn't see itself through for that short period of time, what a crazy circus of thoughts that circled my mind! Granted work was one thing, especially because this weekend was one of my most busiest weekends at work and I think my clients would have literally hunted me down amongst the billions of other Asians and dragged me back! But of course the main thing was the thought of leaving Sydnie and her dad... Steve and I had a long distance relationship prior to getting married but ever since then I've never been away from him for more than a day. And while we quickly established that Steve would take time off from work so I could leave I was wondering if there would be any way for him and Sydnie to get their visas and try joining me... I couldn't imagine passing up this opportunity but the thought of being away from Sydnie and dad for nearly half a month was something I would need to come to terms with quickly. It probably would not have even hit me until much later considering how quickly things needed to be organized. And what about breastfeeding - I assume I would need to try to figure out how to take my pump with me and convince the Chinese that it was not a bomb, and also how to transport whatever amount I would be able to pump back home with me. Well, anyway, it didn't work out and I'll look forward to hopefully going another time but in no way do I feel I have lost. How could I when I have my darling daughter giving me the most winningest smiles and grins! And I would miss my other baby a little too much too! =) But I will be prepared for Vancouver - look out Apollo Anton Ono!

Sydnie Freestyle Bungee Jumping