Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Best Friends Forever...

Steve was not too happy this weekend as both Sydnie and I were bombing him with our bang-gu(s) so he couldn't escape the smelly wrath of his ladies! What was funny is that sydnie's smelled identical to mine! Although I don't think Steve found that to be too amusing... I must have had something that didn't sit well with me but poor Sydnie had to suffer the same consequences!
I have to say I am loving this cool weather. If you are a person that prefers the heat my theory is you must like your arms. That way when its hot, you have no problem putting on a tanktop. Me personally, I have always preferred covering up but especially with my extra weight I feel a lot of jiggling in my arms and upper back! I have resorted to purchasing some jergens gradual tanning body lotion to try to create an optical illusion around my flab... while that may help a little with the visual appearance, I am in for a huge reality check when I try on my work suits next week! Gosh I hope something fits!!!
Of course that isn't my biggest worry. I just can't believe it's already time to go back! It was so nice not having to work Memorial Day weekend for once! I know its highly unlikely but I torture myself into thinking I will no longer be Sydnie's favorite person! =) There really is something so rewarding about knowing someone prefers you over anyone else (well except her dad of course...) So I guess a part of me fears not being her one and only BFF. I also hate thinking I might have to hear about some of her "firsts" second hand so I was extra thrilled when she rolled and giggled for us last week! As overwhelming as the responsibility of being her parent is, I'm even more overwhelmingly committed to the role so I'm not really liking the idea of seeing her for just a few short hours each day. Steve and I used to say that we spend more time with our co-workers than we do each other but at least we could email and talk on the phone... maybe I'll take my baby video monitor to work and have my mom just keep it on Sydnie all day! haha
So starting next week, my new BF will be my breastpump =)
I'm sure many moms go through these same mental struggles and each comes to their own decision. I actually really like my job so it isn't just about a paycheck but the professional accomplishments I enjoy. Perhaps that is my pride speaking. Well no need to be hasty. My faith is so lacking to be worrying so much about this and I should trust there already is a perfect course laid out for me. Ultimately I know I am still way too consumed with ME but I hope to decrease that, be more prayeful, and as cliche as it always sounds - trust in God!
Sneeze - Phase I
Sneeze - Phase II

of course Steve thinks she looks more like me here!
End Sneeze

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rolling over documented - umma is much more animated!

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giggling with appa in between hiccups

Monday, May 19, 2008

Breaking apart...

I have toe nail fungus.
Please examine Exhibit A.
Its bad enough having an infection on my boobs but I guess my body is susceptible to any similar infection... not sure where I got it from. The girl I go to for pedicures thinks it was from another salon that used dirty tools (nasty!). Steve thinks it's from his athletes foot! Wherever its from I've been reading up on it and was told to soak it in Listerine. What all the websites failed to mention was that the blue one stains your feet! AHHHHH!!! And I literally soaked my feet forever! I pumped, painted my nails, watched Dancing with the Stars... If you see me in sandals and blue feet, please don't smirk!
The fungus is just one of many ailments in my ongoing saga. So remember I mentioned my achy knees? Well apparently it is because I am overcompensating for my weak hips! I must sound like a hypochondriac but I really am not exaggerating. What am I getting at?!?! Before pregnancy & labor, sure I complained about pains here and there but I never knew that having a baby not only affects your physical appearance but really does a number on all the other parts of your body! Per my personal experience, I say don't fool yourself with an epidural thinking you just need to get through labor because it is possible that is just the beginning of all your fun!
You know another thing is pregnancy these days is really not an excuse for "eating for two". Maybe because I carried weight all over and not just in the middle, but I did feel more self conscious about my weight gain. And I hated being compared to someone that was due around the same time, especially if she was a lot smaller! I mean, it's not like you can suck in your stomach nor can you start dieting! And the same goes for after having the kid... now its about who loses the weight faster. I have many friends that delivered around the same time I did and it can get quite depressing to hear that so and so is thinner than ever, while I stand in front of the mirror deceiving myself into thinking my stomach looks pretty okay but then I sit down and I have a flubby tire around my waist... or better yet if I flick my stomach it'll jiggle uncontrollably. And please stop saying they lost it because they are breastfeeding because I am too and that makes me feel worse! =)
But you know what?!?! I love being Sydnie's mom! =) So maybe one day I'll have to submit an entry for Extreme Makeover because I've let myself go after being so absorbed with family, but for now I'll live and accept what I've got! And we celebrated Sydnie's 100 day this past weekend! The family enjoyed a nice dinner at the St. Regis - it was nasty hot but hopefully we'll have some nice pictures to share soon. Oh and she flipped and giggled for us this week! Yay baby!!! Happy 100 days our Sydnie!
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Appa and Sydnie's flexibility
Sydnie in her Mother's Day outfit

I love my Tiny Love Symphony mobile

I also love my hand
And I love Appa!

Monday, May 12, 2008

Reaching a Mommy Milestone

This past week was... actually quite uneventful! Does that mean I am coming to terms with being a mom?!?! How appropriate with this past Sunday being Mother's Day =) Well I'm sure the week itself had its usual Sydnie ups and downs but rather than feeling like someone's driving a stake through me, it actually is becoming more the norm and what I consider to be my life! It really is quite amazing that we all eventually settle into this new life. I'm sure all the seasoned moms reading this blog are thinking "newbie" as you read about my anxieties and chaos. Well things are far from being perfected, and I know I'll be learning something new EVERYDAY(!) forever, but I remember when Sydnie was a week old thinking three months seemed SOOOOO far away and never thought we would be able to make it this far without completely falling apart! Well, here we are and for the most part, still intact!
So the new D-Day for me is the return to work day, which is scheduled for June. I ask myself everyday, can I really do it?! Well I hear a few more women at work announced they were expecting. You know, even though men are just as responsible, if its not your own wife, I wonder if they are thinking... "another woman pregnant!". I think if I was a man, I would. I actually felt a little guilty towards work when I did get pregnant. It was already hard enough to balance home and work life even before and now reaching this juncture has me rethinking what is really of importance... I do find myself envious of those family situations where both mom & dad have the luxury of working from home or at least being able to be home the majority of the time. I seriously should have gone to study graphic design... or win the lotto! =)
Steve got a new camera (again) so I have high expectations for our pictures from this point forward...
I think I mentioned it before, but Sydnie is infatuated with staring at her hand
Someone said drooling indicates good digestion... if that's the case, Sydnie must have awesome digestion! She is slobbergirl!

Monday, May 5, 2008

Perfect to Mommy

I've been high fiving myself thinking I avoided getting any stretch marks when a few days ago I realized a red mark I have on my side wasn't just an indentation left from my jeans but a stretch mark! Okay, I guess if it took me this long to figure it out it probably won't be attracting anyone else's attention so I shouldn't be complaining but no more high fives!
I was hoping not to fall victim to the aches and pains, but I'm no exception and I now see how brutal having a baby is on your body - damn that Eve! My mom used to tell me it felt like all the bones in her body were shattering and granted my choice of words aren't as colorful, but even with modern medicine there's no stopping the fear that grips you when you have to go to the bathroom with hemmorhoids or feeling like you need a hip replacement when trying to get up off the ground. Lately I've experienced my knees creaking when I come down the stairs in the morning. I actually feel like I should now stretch before coming down! To tell the truth for vanity purposes I really didn't want to breastfeed - and yes, I was conscious about getting stretch marks. So to witness the various transformations in me, both phsyical and emotional/mental has been a pretty unpredictable yet amazing journey! I never thought I could geniunely not care about myself so much! haha! But despite my body falling apart seeing how perfect Sydnie is make my conditions so trivial. Every time she successfully reaches a milestone on schedule, I'm thankful. Who knows what paranoia I'd be going through if she wasn't jumping at steve's atomic sneezes or making eye contact when I'm playing with her. I remember in the beginning Sydnie's nipples were so faint to the point I thought she was born without any! Well that isn't the case but I'm sure if Sydnie had a weak heart or something, the last thing I would care about were her faint nipples! So to me, she is perfect. =) And transferring my desires over to her, my hope she can avoid mom's flaws and ugly qualities and become a wonderful person... hopefully more humble and thoughtful with her decisions, respected by her peers, a joy to her parents (haha), and of course a Godly woman.
But speaking of my physical changes, I have to comment on one I am currently struggling with. So after a clogged duct for about two days this weekend, it seems my left boob has died! I have now seen a preview of what post-breastfeeding might look like and it's not National Geographic caliber but definitely will need major underwire support. Anyway, here's my problem, everyone tells me there is no way that one side could dry up simply from two days of lack of activity but I can tell from her frustration nothing is coming out. Now lets just say it really is dead, the dilemma is do I still continue feeding her off of the right side that is producing? That means I might end up with one shriveled and one plump! Ahhhh! Well, I'm going to keep at it and hopefully it will come back to life and if it doesn't... then I'm sure you'll be able to tell... ugh!

I beleive we reach three months this week so here are some current Sydnie facts:
* has been shedding for the past few weeks (its sad but so cute too!)
* currently pushing herself up and likes to do superman on her stomach
* still sleeping incredibly well
* found a dimple in her right cheek under her flubber
* loves to stare at her left hand as if its a foreign object
* smiles at herself in the mirror
* enjoys watching basketball (it must be the back and forth)

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Sunday will be our first mother's day! Still feel detached from this day but guess I'm now a mom too! =) Oh and Happy 어린이 날 (children's day)!